I’m a horrible cook. I know my strengths and cooking isn’t one. I will, however, clean the S out of the kitchen. I don’t even offer to help with preparations. I will just make a mess of it. However, the last two years my mom has asked me to make a green bean casserole for Thanksgiving dinner. This dish is so ridiculously easy even I can handle it. Or so I thought.
Before dinner I decided to get caught up on Homeland, my new favorite show. I didn’t watch 24 but I’ve heard some people say the intensity of the shows is comparable. Time kind of got away from me and I realized I needed to get the dish going. I left the show running in the background and went into the kitchen to start the labor intensive process of opening all the cans. Those lids are sharp! My first mis-step was listening to some show banter and I emptied the can of green bean juice into the casserole and not the sink. Alright, moving on. I stir what contents I have added and then BOOM! I hear a crazy commotion going on, during the show. I go into the other room to watch. Then when I go back into the kitchen I open the rest of the green beans and go to stir it before I put it in the oven.
My inner monologue goes something like this: Where’s my spoon? That’s weird I knew I had one. Maybe I put it in the sink (look in the sink but I don’t see it right off). Whatever, grab another one.
Dish goes in the oven, I hop on the couch to finish another episode of Homeland. Perfect timing! I finish getting ready and check on my casserole but it’s not thickening and I’m running late for dinner. I decided to stir it (again, I have no idea what I’m doing) and up the temp.
Here goes my inner monologue while I’m stirring and beginning to get nervous: What is that in there? What am I hitting? Nothing’s frozen in there.
It’s the goddamned spoon! I rested it on the edge and it slunk down the sides when I went to see what the commotion was on the show. I baked that freaking spoon in there for 45 minutes! My mind is running in circles right now from shame, embarrassment and wondering if I’m going to give the guests cancer from baking metal. I finally fessed up and told mom about it yesterday. And stressed that she needs to start watching Homeland.