It all started when the Red Sox won the World Series in 2007. Normally you wouldn’t find me or my friends getting excited over a World Series. However, a Masshole had recently been introduced to our group and her enthusiasm spread like the clap at a 70’s key party.
I was newly single and enjoying my peak at 31. I had just cut off a fling with a
man dude that I would never want go out with in public. He once asked me for dinner and I told him we could get takeout because I had zero desire to go through the rigmarole of a dinner date. He once asked to come over to my house and I told him with the confidence that comes from fitting in a size 4 pair of Lucky Brand Jeans, I didn’t want him to know where I lived. I was a guy’s dream. I offered no strings. He wanted to cuddle. I wanted to visit him, then leave and go meet my friends at the bar afterwards. Which I did a few times.
Back to the World Series. The Red Sox win. The Masshole is running around, sweeping an invisible broom. We keep drinking and watching her run around like a crazy person. I am drunk and feeling bold once I get home. I text the Masshole to ask what she’s doing. She quickly said, “If I were you, I’d be in my driveway right now.” I flew over to her place. She was awkward and nervously doing dishes when I walked in. We quickly got over the butterflies that come when you are about to go there with your good friend. Then came the kiss that led to the kitchen table. One of those you see in a movie. In one sweep of her hand, she threw everything off the table so we could fall on the table top.
Cut to almost 4 years later and that kiss that led to the kitchen table led us to the park bench. Not in a sexual exhibitionist kind of way. But in the way that refers to the best description of how I know I’ve found the one. The Masshole says she knows when she’s in love if it passes her park bench test. That is, can she imagine sitting next to this person on a park bench in 40 years. I was in love a few times before. But in that context, they weren’t relationships that enjoyed that quiet happiness.