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None of this warranted a full post but WordPress set a posting goal.  Must.  Meet.  Goal.

To the girl who brought donuts into the office this morning….not cool, not cool! 

To Newt Gingrich who is gaining ground in the South Carolina polls…you’re an angry little fuck who I wouldn’t trust with the simple responsibility of stacking the dishwasher.  You’d hire some poor black kid to do it and call it a mission to build their integrity.

To my special needs kitten….I’m fairly certain your special need is blood lust.  When she’s not sleeping, she’s underneath my coffee table or bed waiting for an opportune moment to slice my Achilles in the style of that creepy kid from Pet Semetary.  Thankfully, her lazy eyes and poor motor skills, have kept me in one piece.

Bloodlust

If the handi-cat isn’t swatting at whatever she can before she falls over, the other panther that walks the hallways of my house has tried to ruin me mentally.  One day I was on the wrong end of and almost got hit in the eye by a fear poop.  I didn’t even know that was a thing.  The cat is overly skittish.  So she got scared and shot a ribbon of poop out of her, which flew within inches of my face.  Inches of my right eye to be exact and landed on the wall behind me.  If that had hit me in the eye, I would have thrown in the life towel.  It would be sweat pants everyday and cereal for dinner.

To my brother who I saw posting excitedly on Facebook at 9:30 am about a date he was having later that night….You need a pocket Samuel L. Jackson.  He’ll tell you to “Be cool motherfucker!  Be Cool!”  No girl in the history of girls will ever love that enthusiasm.

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