I appreciate the beauty of getting older. I hate the nitty-gritty of aging.
I drank my way through last weekend. I also smoked my baby weight in cigarettes. No particular reason, no stress, no trauma, no drama, just one of those weekends. I am not a smoker anymore but I have my moments. Usually I smoke during the Magic post-season. I can rest on the excuse that it’s a go-to stress reliever. It’s that or bite my nails. In the interest of full disclosure, if you don’t follow basketball, we are not in playoff season. The Magic will most likely make it to the post-season but that’s neither here nor there now.
Back to the problems with getting older. Drinking. Hangovers. The Masshole and I are seeing a personal trainer. We go every Wednesday. Fifteen minutes into this workout, which was heavy on the legs and heavy on the lungs, I thought I my ticker was kaput. I couldn’t even grab my knees, I was so spent. My vertigo kicked in. My heart would not stop racing. I am usually pretty speedy in our sets, clapping for the Masshole to keep up. This day, however, I kept gravitating towards a thigh high fan in a corner. I gave the Masshole permission to smack any future cigarettes out of my mouth. I swore off drinking until our vacation next week. Gone are the days, I would bounce back in a few hours or a few bloody marys.
My conversations have taken a weird turn now that I’m getting older. I asked a friend, without even thinking, what vitamins she takes regularly. As soon as I asked the question, I made a face like I had just smelled a curry fart. This is not the first time I’ve asked this question in the recent past either. What the hell is wrong with me?! Either I’m getting old or I’m just not the conversationalist that I thought I was. Thankfully, the girl I asked is older than me and she replied without skipping a beat, “Have you ever heard of DHEA?” Two things: 1.) She didn’t look at me like I had two heads and 2.) We had quite a long eye-opening conversation about the wonders of DHEA.
The Masshole came home with a bottle of this DHEA. Last night I had a dream that Lil’ Wayne wanted to….as Drake would say, figure out the square root of 69. I woke up giggling.