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Starting May 29th and going until June 4th, Orlando will be home and host to thousands of gays from across the nation.  This is Gay Days.  Or Gay Daze, as I call it, because for most, it’s spent in a drunken, drugged, sex, stupor.  There is a good segment of Gay Days that is family friendly but most of the weekend caters to the lovers of debauchery with the similar sex. 

Most of the events take place on the tourist side of town (as locals call it).  Each day you can visit a different park whether it is on Universal Studios property or Disney property.   

The tradition started in 1991 as a single day.  Members of the community were encouraged to “Wear Red and Be Seen” while they visited Disney.   Now it’s grown and spread (So. Many. Jokes. Must. Resist) to a week-long celebration rife with pool parties, family events, circuit parties, underwear parties, panty parties, bra parties, bear parties, cub parties.  There’s probably even a gay Tupperware party happening in there somewhere.   There’s something for everyone.  It’s beyond just gay now.  There’s a calendar for women AND bears.  You can’t discriminate!  Sounds like an Oprah giveaway.  You get a party!  You get a party! 

Disney plays host to a very different country bear jamboree next weekend

Never one to shy away from pissing on your grill, The Florida Family Association will play the role of Paul Revere and fly a banner from a plane warning families about the events.  They have raised enough money to fly the banner for 10 hours at $4,100.  Those plucky little protestors, not to be denied, are trying to raise enough money to fly their freak flag for 20 hours at a rate of $8,400.   No price breaks for buying in bulk I guess.  Kudos advertising-plane owners for not giving them a deal!  The group’s motivation sounds like a whiny girl who can’t get a date and always has to hang out with her “couple friends”.  The group writes, “How would you feel if you entered the Magic Kingdom anticipating a normal day of fun with your family only to witness thousands of same-sex couples holding hands, hugging, kissing and wearing tee-shirts that promoted their lifestyle?”  Why don’t you go cry about it you babies.  They go on to say more but honestly who gives a fuck what these hateful fucks folks have to say. 

They can only afford to protest the one day. If only they had that double-income-no-kids-money!

I have found myself at a ladies pool party before.  There is talk of taking a newly single friend to one this year.  Not like this is a place to meet anyone but it’s the best people watching east of the Mississippi (this doesn’t hold water and can’t be proven).  I think the pool party will make her sad about being single more than anything but we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.  Oh a lesbian pool party!  It’s a sight to see I tell ya.  This is the best way I can describe it:  Imagine a few thousand lesbians, caged up for 11.5 months (like animals in a zoo), deprived of sun and ass, then one weekend you unlock the doors and turn them loose in an enclosed pool area in the early summer heat of Florida.  It’s god-damned mania.  Girls are air humping innocent passersby.  There’s lesbian chicken fighting with hardly a spot of water to occupy in the pool.  If I go, I go with these ingredients:

  1. 1 pair of dark, very dark sunglasses (so I can get my looky-loo on)
  2. Half of a dessert made with marijuana.

Put sunglasses on, take a bite of cookie, sit back, take mental pictures of the mania, bake and enjoy. 

It’s truly ridiculous.  I would expect nothing less from the days of the gays.

That girl in the green suit is gettin’ it!!!