Getting old ain’t pretty.
It starts with creaky bones in the mornings. That evolves into a general rickety feeling throughout the day. I’m in between creaky and rickety.
My hair is turning 50 Shades of Gray. However, the part nobody told me about is the growth of rogue face hairs. A few years back, I was
popping examining an imperfection and noticed a hair on the underside of my chin. The hair grows along my chin so it stays relatively unnoticed, thank god. I quickly plucked that thing and mentioned it to no one. A while later, I’m standing in front of the mirror pulling my hair back into a ponytail. I noticed a grotesquely long hair on my cheek. This thing is so long! How long is it?! It’s so long, it can hide in my hair even though it’s rooted on my cheek. So this little bugger was growing and growing, unnoticed for god knows how long. I quickly plucked it and mentioned it to no one. Until one night. My friend and I were getting drunk together chatting over a drink. I excused myself and went to the bathroom. While checking myself out in the mirror, I noticed this bastard of a hair. I fessed up and told her about these rogue hairs. She never assured me this was normal. Instead, she grabbed her phone and used it as a flashlight to see it. “We are at the bar” I yelled. She said she could get it for me real quick and nobody would notice. She started grabbing at it. Over and over, she’s trying to pluck this pesky hair. By the 5th unsuccessful try, I yelled, “Stop, you’re just curling it!” Like a G.D ribbon on a gift.
A few years later, these chin hairs are increasing. Some are dark, some are stiff, some are blonde and only visible in the right light, some are short and some are long. My face hairs sound like a Dr. Seuss story. I pluck one and another one sprouts up. It’s like, chin hair whack-a-mole.