Yesterday, The Masshole and I took a collective deep breath and went to Disney’s Typhoon Lagoon. Every year, as a work perk, I get free passes for me and a guest to all the Disney parks along with free parking. My passes expire on Friday and we’ve only been to Epcot for our annual visit to the Food & Wine Festival. So we decided to bang out one of the parks yesterday and since it’s hot as all get out down here in the swamps, we chose the water park. Ain’t we smart?!
Disney is in the business of fun. However, fun has to be provided with safety. Disney has not forgotten that humans are capable of awe-inspiring nastiness. Frequently posted signs tell guests to change diapers in restrooms only and you may not swim if you are ill from diarrhea. “Why is this only posted in English?!” I asked. I think Disney really dropped the ball here.
Theme parks are always entertaining. Lots of funny business to take in. Add bathing suits and half-naked foreigners and you get A LOT of funny business. From the dad with the white bathing suit on (maybe he knew what he was doing wearing that) – thanks for the afternoon cock and ball peek show, because we just couldn’t seem to find a line without you in it. To the doughy, European man, wearing a Speedo, picking his nose – you just quit caring a few years ago didn’t you? I almost forgot the portly woman next to us in line, who told her daughter something inaudible, but very loudly said, “You want to know how I know? God told me.” Thank you for that eye opener. Lastly, I want to thank the woman who looked like a cross between, Philip Seymour Hoffman in Boogie Nights and Vera Di Milo from In Living Colour. You were the icing on my water park cake.